hearingnseeing
Hearing and seeing God in everyday lifeArchive for devotional
52 Weeks
Tomorrow is the actual anniversary day, the 10th. The date never made a difference to me except on June 10th, a Wednesday, a full gestational age. Wednesdays have been the marker for passage of a time that has not moved at all. Today is 52 weeks. That many ago I shouted, “Donuts!” to wake the 13-year-old. It was our stop before the doctor for his toe. I brought him home, went to a hair appointment and returned not 60 minutes later, looking for my son who will never return to me. Again, why could the Lord have not given me a flat tire that day? Suicide kills so many things.
There is no object lesson here or hearing some quaint quip or seeing something worth describing. Not this post. But writing has always helped me feel better. And so I think of my family and friends who have been with me this frozen time. I think of the Lord who allows, who gives and takes away. I think of His Peace and Comfort, even if I am that child who is hurting, refusing the band-aid because it might hurt when removed. I think of the trip with my family today to a quiet place and worry over the quiet moments. I think of Jesus who wept tears of blood waiting for the time to begin before his last hours. I weep thinking of these next few days, the last of my firsts without my son for me and my other children, knowing a little of the courage to endure. Already the phone calls and texts from loving family and friends break me down every time. Yet, again, writing has always helped and so I share with you. If any encouragement is to be had, know that I have survived, and small as it is, a hope to thrive remains, and maybe, just maybe, on this side of Heaven as well.
Isaiah 61.
The Spider’s Thread
I touched a spider’s web yesterday. On purpose. It has been a spider year here, particularly the orb spider from what I see and hear. Their webs are classic Halloween style, big, angularly rounded, the kind you DO NOT want to walk into. The web on my porch this summer was at least 18 inches in diameter not counting the connecting threads or starting points. Its maker was a big guy as well, blueish/blackish, inch and a half or more, and liked to hang out right in the middle. I warned passers-by and got no closer myself than my zoom lens.
But yesterday as I headed out to church, the remnants of a different web stretched from my garage roof to the basketball hoop post to the ground. It was a fragment. Leaves and debris were still caught in it. It reminded me of condemned and menacing real estate whose windows are barred shut, the kind you walk quickly by. I couldn’t dismiss the connecting thread from the roof, though, from at least 6-1/2 feet high. It was a thick thread, like sewing thread, and stretched probably 3 feet to where the living plane of the web still partly existed.
Now my experience with webs has only been their unwanted stickiness on my arms and face and hair. I wondered if this long starter thread was like that. I had to touch it, silly girl.
It was soft and silky, firmly taut yet fragile to a giant like me, and not sticky at all. This was a builder’s cord and not a trapper’s snare. It was amazing and attested to the Creator of the creator.
And so I went to church and worked the rest of the day and slept and came now to this quiet morning, still thinking of the spider’s thread. I have been moved to remember God both in magnificent beauty and great suffering, those being most ready circumstances for communion with Him. But day by day, with working or waiting or plugging through the routine, washing yet another dish or mowing a still growing lawn, with neither drama nor excitement, meeting God in the mundane can be kind of challenging. Of course He is there, but at least for me, my mind can be on everything else or nothing else and I just go through the motions.
I think God has His ways of getting our attention, unpleasantly at times, like walking into a spider’s web. But sometimes, through His grace, he helps us draw near before the sticky, ensuing mess. I think we get to choose to experience the Builder’s cord.
It’s Monday — maybe manic, maybe mundane. I am just thankful God is there, in all of it, and choices are mine to make!
Psalm 8:1 O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!
Blessing of Laughter
I learned something last night not from a screen. Old school, I know. I was lying in bed next to my daughter — it was later for her than usual and she had hit that point of too tired to fall asleep right away. Our black cat came to visit us, which is rather rare for this non-lap cat, but he did let me pet his face for a while. When the cat had had enough, he just ambled away over the lump of my near-asleep girl’s belly. There was not the usual, Ugh, get off! or the push to move him away faster — and how is it that cats have no manners at all?? What happened, though, was this noise hard to write about. My daughter just like expels this air forced out by a 10-pound cat, kind of like a, P-uhhh. Man, did that strike my funny bone. And in absolute seriousness, half-conscious, she says, That is not funny. Which, of course, made it more funny, to which she replies, Just go to sleep! Poor girl — and I wonder, will she even remember this morning?
So I laid there shaking the bed, trying not to make noise, but really laughing. What a silly thing to strike me, right? But as I lay there wiping a tear on my pillow case, it occurred to me that the same muscle and mechanism used in that kind of belly laugh is the same for the gut-wrenching, body-wracking sob. This, for me, is true. I just hadn’t thought of it like that before.
What a capacity we humans hold for great and deep feelings, good and bad!
Elijah of the Bible hit a low point, ” I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and scattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave . . . and then the Lord spoke with Elijah giving guidance and comfort as the story continues. You’ll have to read it yourself in I Kings 17-19)
The same God who creates the powerful wind also has an unbound capacity to speak in a gentle whisper. Don’t you love this? May God grant you the blessing of laughter today! But if it is your time for those far darker moments, may the Lord bless you with his powerful and gentle presence, whispering, comforting, guiding.
Bad-Hair-Day Hair
Did you mix with a body of believers yesterday? Did you hear a good sermon, sing a great worship song? Did the lady behind you need a tissue or the man ahead of you need a nudge to stay awake? Did you get served communion by a 10-year-old wearing a phone on his jean pocket just like the older men in his life? Did you see that lanky teenager grow another inch in a week? Did you hear the good news of Jesus, the hard news of someone suffering, the delight of an engagement? Did you join in the community of faith, become part of something bigger than yourself? You know, did you go to church?
The Bible says we are all parts of one big body of believers, all of our parts needed — hands, feet, etc. I am pretty sure I am the bad-hair-day hair — needing attention and care and still not turning out just so — and then needing more attention and care all over again. Just like my own hair…
In the end, it is the hair God gave me and I have learned to make peace with its quirks — like you eventually do with all the other quirky body parts. I think it is the same for church. There are plenty of arm pit churches and fancy fingernail churches and hands and feet churches. Maybe you’ve experienced any and all of those with equal heartache and praise. There are people I know who refuse to step foot in a church — they likely saw sin there. Yep. And if it is worth its salt, hopefully the Truth of Jesus and forgiveness is there too.
This is a big topic, church. It can be complicated and difficult thing for many, hold bitter memories, not the right fit, too much this or that or not enough of the same. There are many reasons not to go to church. I really shouldn’t even write about something so touchy. Except that I went to church yesterday and left church with all that I mentioned up top as well as some nudging to deep heart issues as well. It was simple. It isn’t always, but sometimes a hairdo turns out all right…even in a body of believers.
Isaiah 55:6 Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near.
Fly By
Yes, this is about Pluto. It is about a journey that took 9-1/2 years to carry out one of its goals — and that is just in-air time. It is about something so far away, 3 billion miles, with an extremely low chance of hitting anything in that distance, traveling 32,000 mph? What little I know of space! It’s about me complaining of a 2 second delay on my computer speed versus it taking 4-1/2 hours to receive a signal back from New Horizons. It’s about it taking another 16 months just to download all the data. It is about having a plan and a hope for a spacecraft up to 2026 and beyond. I guess this post is about perspective and being willing to wait. Have you seen the images? Of Jupiter? Of the fly by?
There is a lesson for me from this journey. The waiting is worthwhile, but you might not know that until the end.
In the meantime, while you wait, do what you can to be ready for the arrival.
This is hearingnseeing, over and out.
Psalm 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. May will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.
Bethlehem Star
Last night I was watching boring and mindless TV. I received a text from a friend asking if I could see the Bethlehem Star. My reply was, Huh? Her response was something like, You are usually up on these things and it is cloudy here and can you see it??! I called her, my response being, Well, I don’t know, let me go outside and take a loo —– WOW!!! Yes, I see it — it is right there blazing shine right at me!!
Let me just say it was so much more exciting than anything on TV and consumed me as long as it could — certainly as long as an episode of something mindless. You can see pictures of it on YouTube this morning but those pictures do nothing to capture the “WOW” of brightness. Did you see it?
Maybe it is because I am in the plains with no other lights, nothing but a few trees to block the expanse of the horizon. Maybe it is because I just happen to be here at this time and for these moments to see things of Amazing that I would not ordinarily (remembering a conversation with someone from the city who has never seen a satellite track the sky on account of light distraction). Maybe it is just because I received a text and moved upon it with equal curiosity and haste.
Whichever, when the rest of my family returned home not too many moments later I had them pile into a vehicle and drove to the horizon, thinking the planets soon to set. But they were gone. Had they set? Were there just too many distant clouds covering the dark horizon that I could not see? They missed it. And like me, they had no idea it was there in the first place.
I am still pondering it. Seeing God’s handiwork and divine intelligence always leaves me a little breathless and restless. I am awed and inspired. It takes me some time to search out meaning or impact. It is seeing and wondering.
The goal of hearningnseeing is to get people to open their Scripture, to fan the sights and sounds of this world into a fresh look at His Word. To some people it is an intellectual study. Others may ravage the Scripture searching for an answer to an immediate problem, looking for a sign in a verse, desiring encouragement for a pressing need. Others may read it daily as a discipline or just turn pages. No matter, the Word is there for any and all.
So if you missed last night, an event that last occurred 2000 years ago, don’t fret. There are even more amazing things within the pages of this book called the Bible, with the Spirit to help guide you, and the redeeming WOW of Jesus. Just look there.
John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
Mystery Meat
It started off with a birthday party invite in another language with English subtitles. And when I dropped my girl off yesterday and the party had not started,the birthday girl wasn’t even there yet, I figured I had better stay and wait for a while. Someone asked me Drink? to which I replied No, thank you, and was brought a glass of iced white drink. I just watched. There was a baby there and every male that came through the door had to go coo, cluck, kiss or pick her up in hello. That made me smile. I found the teenage girl spoke English, a relief to me, but I still felt pretty out of place.
After about a half an hour, the party girl and some other guests arrived and I felt I could go. I figured the mother this whole time was cooking in the kitchen and asked the teenager to make and introduction, but because I am nosy and the smells in there were amazing, I stuck around for just few moments.
There was a woman at the stove about my age using a spoon and a colander to allow chili drippings in while leaving the seeds out to this enormous pot that took up two burners. She kept tap, tap, tapping on it for a few drips out at a time. This was going into a mixture containing small cubes of meat and covered with this red chili sauce. At this point, the Grandma comes over and shoos the other lady out of the way and just gets her hands right in there to squish the chili sauce with much faster results. It smelled wonderful. I asked, and maybe understood?, if I could look under the lid of the other giant pot. Someone said “beans.” At my house yesterday morning I had put navy beans and chunks of ham in a crock pot with a bit of carrot and onion – kind of boring next to what was then handed to me in a cup — beans and bacon and a ton of cilantro and a big green chili thing and carrots and I am sure what else. It was so yummy. So I paid my compliments, made my apologies for not being able to communicate, took my beans and white rice drink, and left my girl with instructions for her to call me back when ready to go.
Over 3-1/2 hours later, she still hadn’t called. I decided I had better go and check on things and the party was still quite going on with lots more kids and people. One of the Aunts befriended me and interpreted and filled me in on the going’s on. Of course she asked if I wanted something to eat and our conversation was largely about food since she loved to cook. She took me back to the big pot of red sauce and meat and gave me a tortilla to use — but could not tell me what the meat was (likely pork or beef — I think). This is not my usual – I could never be a Survivor – and while not really picky, certainly I am not brave to try new things regularly and avoid mystery foods. But I tried this stuff and had to ask for a second helping. Then she had me try the chicken salad and the pineapple cake and more drink. She was a great hostess and I was SO glad she was there to help me navigate 2 miles away from my house. I decided if ever I was invited back, I would ask to look under the pot lid again.
Hearing and Seeing is intended to be about hearing and seeing God in everyday life. Most often it is a nature thing or something happening within my world, my family, my home. I have the internet and books to connect me to other ideas and such in this very small town. After yesterday, however, I think I have become complacent in that existence, have enjoyed the isolation and to some extent the control I have over my narrow social life. I went to bed last night with my mind abuzz and thoroughly enjoyed the food! I believe it might be time to use a wider lens and broader scales. This is like mystery meat to me — letting go a little more of the need to know and opening the other hand to accept what I cannot anticipate. Do you really think I am up for this adventure, Lord?
I have to sign off but do not have a verse coming to mind so I will end in a prayer for me and maybe you:
Lord, Help me take steps along the path I do not know along the way that you are guiding me. Please forgive my self-induced doldrums and help me keep my eyes on you no matter the terrain. Thank you for loving me! Amen.
Blood Moon
Did you see the blood moon this morning? From my window, it was an amazing eclipse but not a red one. I was wakened by my housemate to go and see it. I usually pay attention to sky happenings but had missed this one — and a big deal this one was! I was so moved I put out a blast text to most of my contacts — Go see the eclipse! I said. It was just one of those things that I did without much thought to it, just acted on the nudge without over-analyzing should or shouldn’t I. It wasn’t that early, only about 5:30 a.m.
I am still kind of chuckling at myself, though. I have been reading in a book lately about surrendering to God and not putting Him in a box to make Him behave like I think He should. You see, I don’t have worry issues because control freaks don’t usually worry — they just act and boss around and micromanage. And I confess I sure would like to make God act a little more like I think He should. Lord, forgive me!!
So on a whim I blasted my family and friends to view God’s Awesome. I stayed up, watched a bit, and then tried to go back to bed (having stayed up way too late to be up at 5!). Well, I have fielded texts for about 2-1/2 hours now from those family and friends just waking, commenting, good-morning-ing. I finally just gave up trying to reach 6 hours of sleep for the night. And this is God just laughing at me, really me laughing at me, too. I just cannot control God — and if I do something that He intends me to do, like ask people to revel in his Glory, I certainly am unable to control the aftermath of it! And that is what He would rather have, isn’t it – my willing spirit and not the domineering one. Lord, help me to just surrender to You first in all the spheres of my life and influence!
The moon — described in the Psalm as a “faithful witness in the sky” . . .
Ordinary and Common
Happy Spring! I took a few walks down to the Owl Tree this week. The first time I came across this rambling pattern of bird prints. It’s like many of these little birds were following an ant and/or then a grasshopper and/or then running away from a dog and/or any whim that struck them. Totally random tracks. Another day I saw this “skunk” bird with a white stripe over his head – just a little guy as curious about me as I him. I did see the meandering birds as well at a distance, drab and brown and preferring to skitter as much as fly.
I had my son Google with me what they were — and I also found them in my bird book: the scaled quail and the white-striped sparrow, just ordinary and common. In my words, “How uninspiring!”
Shame on me. God used the quail to feed the Israelites for how many years? And the sparrow – of what worth that even Jesus speaks of the little birds? How Inspiring and I have been put in check this week.
Have a great weekend! You and I — we matter to God! Praise HIM!
“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31
A Falling Flower and an Answer
My mom recently planted an amaryllis. Have you watched one of those cycle? The stalk grows sometimes inches in a day. You have to wait on the flower, but then, boom, it just pops out. Shortly afterwards, it is done and ready to go to sleep again for another year.
Yesterday my mom told me that in the stillness and quiet of their house, no kids, no pets, no bass coming from the teenager’s room — their amaryllis just toppled over. Apparently the bloom became top-heavy, tipped the whole plant over, and the stalks broke off. She put them in water just to see, and sure enough, they continued their cycle and flowered beautifully.
I can hardly fathom something growing so slowly so as to just topple over at such a moment from its own weight. You couldn’t see it get too big, but it did, and then it fell.
Some of these things that you cannot see science can explain. Others can be explained simply on the basis of a fallen world. But when you take a moment and ponder the timing, the factors involved of any growth or decline, something lost or found — I am amazed and often silenced in God’s Awesome, His Holiness. A falling flower reminds me of this today.
I have been asking a question of God for well over a year, studying, pondering, looking, and He gave me an answer this morning in His Word. I want to praise God and say — Wow, look what He showed me!!! In vain I tried to connect this moment to the amaryllis — but they just don’t well match. Indeed, I have heavily edited this morning but still found myself writing about both — because, you see, some things are just not clearly visible, until over time, in a moment, something happens. Glory and Thanks to God for moving us both!
“And if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!” II Corinthians 3:11
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